reaching the summit

there is so much to do right now that i have taken my eye off the ball, i had to. literally every time i start to think, "i'm moving to japan next week" i start to want to check my head out and see if i'm maybe just a little crazy. i know i'm not but it feels that way to think about it right now. instead i'm just chipping away at the huge amount of things that i have to do, a little each day and knowing that all will be okay in the end. it has to be, this is my dream.

i've finally touched back down to solid ground here after a weekend of bliss in the oregon forest. it was truely one of the most beautiful weekends that i've had here in a very long time. one feels so blessed to have good friends around, friends whom have taken the time, money and energy to fly across the country to come be with them and experience life for a moment. feeling blessed and very, very grateful. so much gratitude for those who dared to come and experience with me and dance with me and use their mad hula-hoops skills along side me! the string summit is always a beautiful experience, full of laughter, sunshine and inspiration at every turn, but this year was different for me in so many ways. it was a great release and reminder that life is good and that nothing is really impossible in this life if it is approached with love. kindness can overflow and strangers can become famiily through some hardcore gettin down and a few fat tires. the trees sparkled us into the mystic and the music tickled our toes into dancing long after our energy was gone or we believed that we could even move anymore. we meditated with alders and hiked up and down hills for hours. we payed our boogie tolls and barted for what we needed or wanted with cupcakes and bacon. we stayed together, we fell apart, we explored the world outloud and tied our lives and love together for a few fleeting days in oregon. it was a long time coming, it was a lot of work and preparation, it was hot and tired, but it was wonderful in ways i never anticipated it could be. thanks to all of those who helped make last weekend what it was for me. thanks to all those strangers who shared their smiles and their love with us. thanks to this beautiful oregon for sharing beauty that is unmatched in my lifetime with me. i will be back, i will, i have to; this land calls to me more than any place i've ever known. these are my people, this is my oregon.

namaste friends. i hope everyone who reads this is living an inspired life and knowing that the most important time in our lives is right now.

one big holiday

...a feeling in my soul that i'd never felt before. i knew you always told me, no matter how long it holds me, if it falls apart or makes us millionaires...and on heaven's golden shore we'll lay our heads. -jim james

i finally feel like summer has officially arrived here in portland for me. i quit my job helping with summer camp because i was getting screwed and it was just not what i needed in life right now. i'm going to enjoy my last month being here and really soak up the beauty in this place before i journey on. biking, hiking, discing, dancing and just generally worshiping these trees and this land that has captured my heart so quickly. there is nothing else like being connected in so many ways to life as i perfectly am here. these really are my people and this really is the place that i want to return to after journeying and watch the sun slip under the moutains in the distance and the firefly flickers of bike lights on the road at night.

so i've gotten lots of new about details for japan today and i must say that i'm pretty stoaked about all of them. i found out that my placement more specifically will be an island called naru off of nagasaki city population about 4,000. i'll be teaching high school, jr high and elementary students in very small schools. yea! i was so hoping that i would have the opportunity to have a small class size and really connect and interact with my students in a number of different ways. looks like i'm going to for sure as my high school's enrollment is something like 95 students! after all of these years of living in NE i will finally get to really live in the country. i'll be a ten minute walk from my school and my apartment will cost 12,000 yen a month! i can't even believe it, that's only about $125 US, and i will be surrounded by the ocean...all the time. i hope i get to open my windows year round and let the waves always be in my ears.


i start japanese lessons tomorrow afternoon. it will be so fantastic to be able to speak japanese with some native speakers before i get there. i've been at learning, or at least attempting to learn it now for months and feel like i've made little or no progress as i know my ennunciation is off and so if my phrasing. i can't wait to feel like i'm starting to figure it out, though i know that it will be many more months before i'm having conversations. fantastic things to look forward to.

but...until then i've got heaps of stuff to get done. lists to make and do, people to love and see, and things to get rid of, holy crap! seriously if anyone out there wants to buy my car or my bike i'll cut you a sweet deal :)

thanks for carin to keep up with me friends. lots of love to each of you out there in your corners of the world. remember to make them each as bright as they can be and enjoy every moment of this thing we call life.

namaste

beth

bikes. yeah, they freakin rule...

so i have to admit that i was a bit bummed upon returning to P-town after a short jaunt to the flatlands to see my family and the few friends i have remaining there, mostly because my work schedule wasn't going to allow for me to ride to work any longer. big boo. big, big boo. i've become way too accustomed to riding there on two wheels and frankly after a week of going EVERYWHERE in a car in NE i really couldn't wait to get back here and not be in one. well, much to my dismay i am working this week in the SW, and to those who don't know, that's a hell of a long way from where i am, across the interstate and everything, about a two hour bike ride and i'm just not up for the interstate crossing. (i could do it though, but i'm just going to complain about it here instead i guess...).

anywho...i got back on my bike as soon as i got home from work tonight to go meet my friend sam who is going to ship out for peace corps in latin america about the same time that i'll ship out for japan. it was great to feel like i was a part of this city again, and i truely, truely feel like i touch the heart and soul of what this city is about when i'm on two wheels. we talked lots about our upcoming moves and made some good solid plans for the coming oregon summer including, but certainly not limited to:
-camping at a sweet spot she and melissa found outside the estacada ranger station (summit warm up #2)
-railroad earth this friday at the crystal ballroom...um, hell yes!!!!!!!!!
-july 4th on her parents sailboat on the columbia or the willamette, whichever river we feel like wondering that day, with the biggest fireworks show this side of the mississippi! yeeehaw!
-and of course rounding out plans for string summit. and if you're not into what the summit is, just wait. the pics and stories will follow next month post summit weekend.

feels good to be soaking up the summer here in portland and having porch, er, someone else's porch beers now.

the ride home made me so grateful to be here though. just the ease of going and coming with the trees overhead and the roses wafting their sweetness as i pass. it's so easy to get lost in the beauty that is all around me here all the time. i'm glad that i am not so used to it that i'm taking it for granted and i hope that i never will be that person who doesn't in fact take the time to stop and smell the roses, even if it is just on my way biking by.

cheers to making time and space for bikes in this short, fun life!

namaste friends.
-

what'd you do to end up here?

"everything that i said i'd do, gunna make the world brand new...and the world spins madly on..."

packing always helps me find a little bit of clairity. though it is fleeting, is is nice to have something to concentrate on that is mundane and requires only making small, innocent choices. what to wear, what to wear, what to wear...simple. i'm enjoying making choices that won't have long term, lasting affects right now.

what i'm not getting better at is good-byes. i've had my first round with them as of yesterday. saying good-bye to my kids and the staff at my school was tough. i had to fight back tears half a dozen times and a few times i let sadness take over for a moment or two before regaining composure and getting on to the next good-bye. that chapter is over in my life now, those kids and i will never have that time back and that can be hard to think about, so instead i'm choosing to remember the beauty that they have brought to my life and the ways in which we all changed and learned together these past nine months. it's just astounding to me that such strong connctions can be fostered between people in what to me seems like such a small amount of time. astounding really that those children trusted and relied on me as they did. i love them each in unique ways as we all require unique love and thougtfullness from eachother. i did my best to foster learning in each of their minds as it was fit for them and tried with love and patience to help them on their journeys towards being productive people in this world. i wish them all the best and can say to them without a doubt that following their dreams is always the right choice in life. i believe so much in who they are and what they all can be and hope that they too will see their own potential and carry their dreams unto fruition.

and it is because of a dream that i am drawing nearer to good-byes that will make getting on an airplane back here in a few weeks very, very hard. though the dream is what is guiding me through all of this, there are times when i wonder if i am out of my mind for following it so steadfastly and without question. it's just that my dream of living and adventuring abroad is so clear in my mind, clearer than most anything else at this point, it seems to be the only logical thing to do right now, and so i must...

lonliness with begin to become a more and more familiar feeling in these bones of mine as these few months tick by and i'm okay with that. i'm actually looking forward to the lonliness as messed up as that sounds, but i know that in it i will have to grow and create and i'm ready to connect with me again in a full and complete way that i have not been able to do for so long. i'm ready for it all. i've been waiting on this a long time now.

Preparations, Part 1

i'm writing this blog wherever i go now. i caught myself writing in the shower today and realized that i will soon be wanting to write about how strange even my shower is. everything is going to be different soon, from bathroom habits to bedroom furniture to directions to the train. i will be starting over from square one essentially and am fully ready for the challenge of it all.

i met with a former JET (the program i've been accepted to, the people hooking me up with the gov't job) last night and it was a very good thing. i got to fire questions at him all night and just ask all of the little things that i've been fretting over in thinking of moving my world to the other side of the world soon. i ended up meeting another JET alumni last night as well and he shared some of his japanese experiences with me as well. i'm more excited now than i previously was, though that is hard for me to even fathom.

i'm jumping into learning the language so that i won't sound like a total idiot when i get there. my goals are to learn the basic katakana and hirgana alphabets and then getting down some key phrases such as "hajimamashite" (how do you do?) and "sumimasen" (i'm sorry, sometimes thank you or excuse me). this is in fact my word of the day, because apparently this is one of the most used words that folks use in japan. because of their polite and considerate nature japanese people are always appologizing i'm told. so sumimasen will be a word that i use multiple times a day.

i'm trying to learn this all and spanish and portuguese words keep flying through my head as i am. it is always easier for me to learn a language when i have someone to speak with. so when i speak with all of you for the next few months i'm sure that i'll be throwing in some japanese; get ready to learn!

konnichiwa for now, or rather matane!

(ps dear readers, sorry i've got nothing too intersting to give you yet. bear with me, i'll be exciting one day!) :)

Gratefulness

it is without a doubt that i am overwhelmed on a daily basis by the place that i live now and what small pleasures i am privy to day in and out.

upon my 6 am bike ride this morning it all just hit me very suddenly; the smell of the earth as i raced by trees in full bloom waking to morning sun. the way the smell of the moist dirt and the trees covered in moss twirl together in such an enticing tango is such a rush for me and takes me back in one inhale of their sweetness to a place high on a mountain and far away from so many things.

i could have ridden forever this morning it seems. it's a shame that the real world was calling and responsibilities made my early morning sun salutation short. the good news though is that i have many more morning rides ahead of me that will follow this same series of tiny pleasure and i will be ready to breathe deep with gratefulness for them all.

be well friends,

namaste

testing, testing, 1, 2, 3 months til liftoff

first blog entry, a bit daunting, but what the hell, here goes...

so i've got this job in japan now. pretty much a dream come true for me. i've been thinking of this particular dream for a long, long time now and i feel that it is fully time for me to be able to live it. i feel an overpouring of joy about life and how beautiful it is right now. i'm going to begin a great journey very soon and my heart is swelling with thanks and gratitude for so many people and experiences that have helped me get here. it is standing on top of the mountain and looking down upon it all ahead of you and running with wild abandon dow to the bottom and feeling the adrenaline rush and childlike joy that that sort of thing can give you. it is all of those feelings balled into one wonderful, light life.

all until i have another thought and think of perperations and things i need to do before i leave this Barack-voting country. i'm feeling a lot sadder than i thought i would about leaving now that hope has been renewed. now that i feel proud to be an american it is nice to know that i potentially will be greeted by other foreingers with a bit more enthusiasm. i feel like we have really started making some good changes here, but perhaps that is just my excellent place in life here in beautiful portland oregon. a city that works is how i will always think of it. they have such excellent public transportation, communities of people and so much invested in making this a healthy, happy place for all who live here to be. of course there is always populations of people in places like this that are bad off and the homeless population is insane out here, but i think for the most part that this city if really amazing. co-ops, community gardeners, public art, amazing shows, and i haven't even mentioned the endless amount of things to do outside here. i could see myself living here two-hundred years ago and being perfectly happy. if i had been here two-hundred years ago, i never would have left. this is the closest place to heaven that i could imagine on earth. i've been some beautiful places and there is just not as much beauty displayed anywhere on earth i've been yet. that said, i can't wait to try and prove myself wrong by finding out...

so, lots to do and lots to look forward as well too. i'm going to have to get good at editing while i write because i've looked over a couple of these paragraphs and it's bullocks. i promise i will write and keep you all in the loop about me and i also promise that i will become a better editor.

photos to come soon. my camera is in the mail on the way to me now.

lots of love to you, because if you're reading this you are most definitely someone i love.

peace be with you all everywhere.