Wednesday, June 24, 2009

bikes. yeah, they freakin rule...

so i have to admit that i was a bit bummed upon returning to P-town after a short jaunt to the flatlands to see my family and the few friends i have remaining there, mostly because my work schedule wasn't going to allow for me to ride to work any longer. big boo. big, big boo. i've become way too accustomed to riding there on two wheels and frankly after a week of going EVERYWHERE in a car in NE i really couldn't wait to get back here and not be in one. well, much to my dismay i am working this week in the SW, and to those who don't know, that's a hell of a long way from where i am, across the interstate and everything, about a two hour bike ride and i'm just not up for the interstate crossing. (i could do it though, but i'm just going to complain about it here instead i guess...).

anywho...i got back on my bike as soon as i got home from work tonight to go meet my friend sam who is going to ship out for peace corps in latin america about the same time that i'll ship out for japan. it was great to feel like i was a part of this city again, and i truely, truely feel like i touch the heart and soul of what this city is about when i'm on two wheels. we talked lots about our upcoming moves and made some good solid plans for the coming oregon summer including, but certainly not limited to:
-camping at a sweet spot she and melissa found outside the estacada ranger station (summit warm up #2)
-railroad earth this friday at the crystal, hell yes!!!!!!!!!
-july 4th on her parents sailboat on the columbia or the willamette, whichever river we feel like wondering that day, with the biggest fireworks show this side of the mississippi! yeeehaw!
-and of course rounding out plans for string summit. and if you're not into what the summit is, just wait. the pics and stories will follow next month post summit weekend.

feels good to be soaking up the summer here in portland and having porch, er, someone else's porch beers now.

the ride home made me so grateful to be here though. just the ease of going and coming with the trees overhead and the roses wafting their sweetness as i pass. it's so easy to get lost in the beauty that is all around me here all the time. i'm glad that i am not so used to it that i'm taking it for granted and i hope that i never will be that person who doesn't in fact take the time to stop and smell the roses, even if it is just on my way biking by.

cheers to making time and space for bikes in this short, fun life!

namaste friends.

Friday, June 12, 2009

what'd you do to end up here?

"everything that i said i'd do, gunna make the world brand new...and the world spins madly on..."

packing always helps me find a little bit of clairity. though it is fleeting, is is nice to have something to concentrate on that is mundane and requires only making small, innocent choices. what to wear, what to wear, what to wear...simple. i'm enjoying making choices that won't have long term, lasting affects right now.

what i'm not getting better at is good-byes. i've had my first round with them as of yesterday. saying good-bye to my kids and the staff at my school was tough. i had to fight back tears half a dozen times and a few times i let sadness take over for a moment or two before regaining composure and getting on to the next good-bye. that chapter is over in my life now, those kids and i will never have that time back and that can be hard to think about, so instead i'm choosing to remember the beauty that they have brought to my life and the ways in which we all changed and learned together these past nine months. it's just astounding to me that such strong connctions can be fostered between people in what to me seems like such a small amount of time. astounding really that those children trusted and relied on me as they did. i love them each in unique ways as we all require unique love and thougtfullness from eachother. i did my best to foster learning in each of their minds as it was fit for them and tried with love and patience to help them on their journeys towards being productive people in this world. i wish them all the best and can say to them without a doubt that following their dreams is always the right choice in life. i believe so much in who they are and what they all can be and hope that they too will see their own potential and carry their dreams unto fruition.

and it is because of a dream that i am drawing nearer to good-byes that will make getting on an airplane back here in a few weeks very, very hard. though the dream is what is guiding me through all of this, there are times when i wonder if i am out of my mind for following it so steadfastly and without question. it's just that my dream of living and adventuring abroad is so clear in my mind, clearer than most anything else at this point, it seems to be the only logical thing to do right now, and so i must...

lonliness with begin to become a more and more familiar feeling in these bones of mine as these few months tick by and i'm okay with that. i'm actually looking forward to the lonliness as messed up as that sounds, but i know that in it i will have to grow and create and i'm ready to connect with me again in a full and complete way that i have not been able to do for so long. i'm ready for it all. i've been waiting on this a long time now.