appologies for the horrible photo, but it is proof enough that i am still alive, eh? was modeling the skirt i bought in thailand for my coworkers and managed to remember to send it to my blog. hi! this photo was taken in the staffroom at my high school by my lovely tea lady (the one who called me horse-face. remember her?) she is wonderful. Tuesday, June 21, 2011
horse face slight return
appologies for the horrible photo, but it is proof enough that i am still alive, eh? was modeling the skirt i bought in thailand for my coworkers and managed to remember to send it to my blog. hi! this photo was taken in the staffroom at my high school by my lovely tea lady (the one who called me horse-face. remember her?) she is wonderful. 
Thursday, May 26, 2011
a slight return to real life
humpf. i just deleted the post i was writing here because it was taking too long to figure out how to say what i wanted to say here, so instead of thinking about it too, too, toooooo much im just going to write, as i usually do here. mistakes and all. (this is a sign of a badddd writer, when you are lazy to edit yourself. right?!)
i have 46 days of work left on this little island in my little schools up on the hill. yup, thats right, i counted them. less than 50 days to do what i was sent here to do. have i done it? have the times when i have felt like ive done it really been to the best of my ability? is there something that i have missed and should have been doing more of while i was here? will what i have done here matter to anyone when i leave? do i really care if it matters to anyone when i leave? there are obviously loads of questions surrounding my thoughts about my time here now, but all i can do at this point is just work them out slowly as they come one at a time. one at a time. that is all that we are capable of after all, right? why should i try to figure out what all of my time here means in this instant, when i know that i will be figuring it out for the rest of my life bit by bit. (obviously my brain is kind of in over-drive right now.)
so, less than 50 days left of work and about two months of time here period. the end. i will most likely never return to this island. actually there is a good chance that in my lifetime this island will cease to exist. the population is just dwindling and there is nothing here for the people to do outside of fishing, and most of those jobs are held by older men who have maybe 20-30 years TOPS left of fishing. who will take their places? good question. i dont think anyone will. okay, so there is that. but beside the inevitable demise of this island what am i thinking about naru right now? how does it feel to know that this place i have called home for nearly two years now is going to be a speck in my rear view sooner than later...? gosh, it feels so complicated but i know that it should be easy. i should be saying that time here has been flush with learning experiences about myself, japan, the world and people in general, all things that i am interested in. but what i am really feeling is this insane need to stop time and take down notes and photos of every little thing that is coming and going in my world now and pin them down into some secret album for to to always return to. basically i want a portal to be able to come back to this moment in my life forever. i know its not going to happen, but i cant help but keep thinking how cool it would be if it did. how, in just two short months from now, will i be able to just get on the boat one final time and say good-bye? i dont know, but i will.
the feeling i have about leaving here feels a lot like the feeling i had before i left portland to come here. the nervous stomach at knowing that i am plunging into the land of unknowns; people wont understand the way i talk, the food will be weird, i will have to figure out where/what home is again, the people will be strange. i already know that the reverse culture shock will be heavy, but i also know that this time there is one big difference; there are people where im heading that love me. this big thing makes a big difference and that is why i know i will be okay. this is the one thought that is guiding me through these waves of doubt and sadness right now. it will be so hard to say good bye to all that my life is here, but it will be such a huge relief and release to be back with love surrounding me.
as the end is coming closer i am finding that there is something simple missing here that i have been missing all along, but i miss with great urgency now; a hug. thinking of being embraced, really well embraced by someone i know and care about, who knows how to give and receive hugs brings tears to my eyes. i honestly cant even let myself envision it anymore without loosing my composure. that is how bad i just wish there was someone to hug around. its been way too long without that little thing in my life and i NEED it back. i will never be able to understand how japanese people can go through life with so little physical affection or even interaction, but i do know that i will never take a hug for granted again, never.
i dont mean for this to sound sad and pathetic, in fact im kind of wondering if i should have written this at all because in reality i am fine. life is going on and im not dragging myself around or feeling like the world is about to end as it might sound from the last few paragraphs here, but there is just a void that needs to be filled and i know how to fill it, but just cant yet. i suppose what i am trying to say here is that if you are reading this, you should be boning up on your hugging skills for the next time we meet. i wont be letting go quickly and there will be great amounts of squeezing involved. so go ahead and practice a little right now, with the next person you see. most of you are in places where that isnt a weird thing and you can at least explain why you are doing what you are doing to them. do it for those of us in the world without that luxury.
i cant wait to luxuriate with you.
beth
i have 46 days of work left on this little island in my little schools up on the hill. yup, thats right, i counted them. less than 50 days to do what i was sent here to do. have i done it? have the times when i have felt like ive done it really been to the best of my ability? is there something that i have missed and should have been doing more of while i was here? will what i have done here matter to anyone when i leave? do i really care if it matters to anyone when i leave? there are obviously loads of questions surrounding my thoughts about my time here now, but all i can do at this point is just work them out slowly as they come one at a time. one at a time. that is all that we are capable of after all, right? why should i try to figure out what all of my time here means in this instant, when i know that i will be figuring it out for the rest of my life bit by bit. (obviously my brain is kind of in over-drive right now.)
so, less than 50 days left of work and about two months of time here period. the end. i will most likely never return to this island. actually there is a good chance that in my lifetime this island will cease to exist. the population is just dwindling and there is nothing here for the people to do outside of fishing, and most of those jobs are held by older men who have maybe 20-30 years TOPS left of fishing. who will take their places? good question. i dont think anyone will. okay, so there is that. but beside the inevitable demise of this island what am i thinking about naru right now? how does it feel to know that this place i have called home for nearly two years now is going to be a speck in my rear view sooner than later...? gosh, it feels so complicated but i know that it should be easy. i should be saying that time here has been flush with learning experiences about myself, japan, the world and people in general, all things that i am interested in. but what i am really feeling is this insane need to stop time and take down notes and photos of every little thing that is coming and going in my world now and pin them down into some secret album for to to always return to. basically i want a portal to be able to come back to this moment in my life forever. i know its not going to happen, but i cant help but keep thinking how cool it would be if it did. how, in just two short months from now, will i be able to just get on the boat one final time and say good-bye? i dont know, but i will.
the feeling i have about leaving here feels a lot like the feeling i had before i left portland to come here. the nervous stomach at knowing that i am plunging into the land of unknowns; people wont understand the way i talk, the food will be weird, i will have to figure out where/what home is again, the people will be strange. i already know that the reverse culture shock will be heavy, but i also know that this time there is one big difference; there are people where im heading that love me. this big thing makes a big difference and that is why i know i will be okay. this is the one thought that is guiding me through these waves of doubt and sadness right now. it will be so hard to say good bye to all that my life is here, but it will be such a huge relief and release to be back with love surrounding me.
as the end is coming closer i am finding that there is something simple missing here that i have been missing all along, but i miss with great urgency now; a hug. thinking of being embraced, really well embraced by someone i know and care about, who knows how to give and receive hugs brings tears to my eyes. i honestly cant even let myself envision it anymore without loosing my composure. that is how bad i just wish there was someone to hug around. its been way too long without that little thing in my life and i NEED it back. i will never be able to understand how japanese people can go through life with so little physical affection or even interaction, but i do know that i will never take a hug for granted again, never.
i dont mean for this to sound sad and pathetic, in fact im kind of wondering if i should have written this at all because in reality i am fine. life is going on and im not dragging myself around or feeling like the world is about to end as it might sound from the last few paragraphs here, but there is just a void that needs to be filled and i know how to fill it, but just cant yet. i suppose what i am trying to say here is that if you are reading this, you should be boning up on your hugging skills for the next time we meet. i wont be letting go quickly and there will be great amounts of squeezing involved. so go ahead and practice a little right now, with the next person you see. most of you are in places where that isnt a weird thing and you can at least explain why you are doing what you are doing to them. do it for those of us in the world without that luxury.
i cant wait to luxuriate with you.
beth
Friday, March 18, 2011
shaking and earthquaking
so, unless you have been living under a rock for the last week you know that the world is kind of falling in and on and apart in japan right now. north eastern japan to be specific. there was the huge earthquake followed by the huge tsunami. in the days that follwed there were hundreds of smaller earthquakes that shook the already unsteady ground up north and further destroyed things that were already unstable. avalanches, roads crumbling, houses/businesses/huge buildings falling prey to the earth shaking and enormous walls of water pounding against them, not to mention the nuclear reactors which are inducing fear here and abroad right now. i have seen more death and destruction here in the last few days than ever in my whole life. luckily, i have not had to witness one moment of it for real and have gotten all of my images via internet and tv news.
for those of you who check this still, if there are any, know that i am safe and seriously out of harms way as i sit here writing this. we have felt no earth shaking or had any destruction visit us here in nagasaki ken. i feel both lucky and overwhelmingly grateful to be where i am. i could have easily gotten another placement in this country and been up north where people who have my same position are still missing and unaccounted for.
i have a new found respect for life and this earth we tread so heavily on since the events of last friday here. life can change in an instant and when you come so close this sort of complete destruction happening all around you it makes one really step back and look at life again. how precious and even fleeting it can be. it gives one great inspiration to really live in the now and make sure you are loving, giving and sharing as one should. it has me doing a lot of celebrating life this week and i want to make sure that all of you who do keep up with me here know how much i do love you. you all are what has held me together here in moments that are strained here, you all are the people who make being alive today so wonderful for me.
please keep the people of japan in your thoughts and prayers. they will need your continued love and support to make it through this trying time. rebuilding efforts after devestation this extensive will go on for years to come and support through love and prayer will be needed throughout.
to those who are worried about me here, let me reassure you again that i am safe. if you need to check, look at a map of japan and look for hokaido, that is where the action was, then look for nagasaki, and then look to the left a bit off the coast and find the small chain of islands there and that is where i am, the goto islands. pretty much the safest place one could have possibly been when this happened. know also that should something change in the situation here that my job is not worth risking my life for and if i am in danger i will get somewhere safe before i am in an emergency situation.
okay, that is all for me for now. i have some beautiful weather outside to attend to and some living and loving to do.
sending huge, warm hugs to all of you today. love love love you each.
xoxoxo
beth
for those of you who check this still, if there are any, know that i am safe and seriously out of harms way as i sit here writing this. we have felt no earth shaking or had any destruction visit us here in nagasaki ken. i feel both lucky and overwhelmingly grateful to be where i am. i could have easily gotten another placement in this country and been up north where people who have my same position are still missing and unaccounted for.
i have a new found respect for life and this earth we tread so heavily on since the events of last friday here. life can change in an instant and when you come so close this sort of complete destruction happening all around you it makes one really step back and look at life again. how precious and even fleeting it can be. it gives one great inspiration to really live in the now and make sure you are loving, giving and sharing as one should. it has me doing a lot of celebrating life this week and i want to make sure that all of you who do keep up with me here know how much i do love you. you all are what has held me together here in moments that are strained here, you all are the people who make being alive today so wonderful for me.
please keep the people of japan in your thoughts and prayers. they will need your continued love and support to make it through this trying time. rebuilding efforts after devestation this extensive will go on for years to come and support through love and prayer will be needed throughout.
to those who are worried about me here, let me reassure you again that i am safe. if you need to check, look at a map of japan and look for hokaido, that is where the action was, then look for nagasaki, and then look to the left a bit off the coast and find the small chain of islands there and that is where i am, the goto islands. pretty much the safest place one could have possibly been when this happened. know also that should something change in the situation here that my job is not worth risking my life for and if i am in danger i will get somewhere safe before i am in an emergency situation.
okay, that is all for me for now. i have some beautiful weather outside to attend to and some living and loving to do.
sending huge, warm hugs to all of you today. love love love you each.
xoxoxo
beth
Thursday, March 10, 2011
more omiyagi
the details that go into these little cakes are just unreal. sorry these photos are not so wonderful as they were taken with my cell phone. but they measure about 1 inch square. sugoii!omiyagi
the beautiful box of tea candies i was given by the lunch lady at the elementary/jr high today. they are apparently really special tea cakes from kyoto and the very expensive kind. how lucky am i? it was a really random gift as i simply helped set up for a special lunch for the graduating jr high students today and the lunch lady's daughter happens to be one of those graduating students. im really not exactaly sure why she gifted me this ultra nice gift, but i do know that i am so grateful and happy to have gotten it anyhow. what a beautiful thing. ;)Tuesday, March 1, 2011
graduation!
high school graduation, a day most students spend their entire primary school time looking forward to, that is, unless you are a japanese high school student. the harsh realization that fun time is over has come and it is time to hunker down and get real with life. today was the end of that childhood for my kids and there were smiles and tears, though i saw more tears from students than smiles. mostly the teachers are smiling that they have successfully run another class of students through the wringer and gotten them out safely on the other side. hooray!
(i dont know why the pictures are doing this now. they were right side up when i uploaded them...darn it. sorry) anyway, this is tamaru kocho and she is one fantastic lady. one of two female kocho senseis in all of nagasaki ken. she will be leaving naru in a few weeks for another school (none of us know where yet, of course) and i will be so very sad to see her go. she can out do anyone around here and drink any man on this island under the table, ive seen it done. her kindness has really been a great blessing to me while i have been here. thank you tamaru kocho!and next we have mr. iriguchi. he is technically my supervisor, a.k.a. the person i am supposed to go to for whatever i need around here. but he is also in charge of the senior students and spends around 12-14 hours a day at school helping them. so whatever i need usually takes a back seat, though he has really helped me out on some funny occasions too. he is a good guy and has been a breeze to work with, mostly because he lets me do whatever i want when we teach high school classes together. i like that. :) cheers to iriguchi sensei in his finery today!
fancy stuff, eh?! what a wonderful woman to do that for me and to lend me her beautiful kimono for awhile. she took me around the school showing off how nice she made me look all the while telling everyone how easy it was to get me in it and how it fits me perfectly and how my figure is so "porportioned" and i should be a kimono model and on and on. this made me more than a little uncomfortable, but i smiled away anyhow and knew she had good intentions. these pictures were taken in the staffroom and what you can see here are the other six or ten teachers standing opposite us taking our pictures. i cant remember the last time i felt like i was in front of the papparazzi. oh only in japan.well thats it. ive changed back to my regular, boring suit clothes and now we are all getting ready to go celebrate the success of the day and the year. time to enkai! (that is japanese for eat and drink til you cant anymore, or something like that.) ;)
be well take care out there in this big world.
namaste
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